So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
