I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
