we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
