you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
