i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize