I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize