all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
