I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
