yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
