Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
