can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
