We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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