So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
