just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
