I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
