You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
this is an emotional support booty call
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
