no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
