what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your cock deserves a montage
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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