i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
