'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize