if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize