I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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