it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Randomize
