I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
