Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
