Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
