I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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