you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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