if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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