I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
