She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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