The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize