Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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