I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize