in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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