You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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