my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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