god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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