No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize