Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
