One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize