i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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