Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
