I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
