You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
