this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
