if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my sisters under your porch take her home
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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