My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
