dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
