Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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