Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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