No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize