U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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