you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
