Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
