Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
