if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
