I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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