We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize