I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
