so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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