help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
