i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
