Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
